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Motivational Quotes
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George Carlin Quotes

I hope you find these George Carlin Quotes inspiring and motivational.

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

Related topics: Funny Cynical

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin


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Thank you for joining me on this journey we call life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin


 

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
- Confucius

There are no facts, only interpretations.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

A good traveler has no fixed plans,
and is not intent on arriving.
- Lao Tzu

If you wish to see the truth,
then hold no opinion for or against.
- Osho

Life is change. Without change, there is no life.
Why then do we so fight against change?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do or do not, there is no try.
- Jedi Master Yoda in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

No one can give you better advice than yourself.
- Cicero

Those who know how to think need no teachers.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

No great thing is created suddenly.
- Epictetus

If you think you're free, there's no escape possible.
- Ram Dass

See life as ugly and painful - if you choose,
or see it as beautiful and joyful.
There is no inherent meaning in life.
We give life its meaning.
It's our Choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
- Anonymous

Truth stands, even if there be no public support.
It is self-sustained.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The River of Life flows eternally,
with infinite strength,
but with no convictions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No problem can be solved from the same level
of consciousness that created it.
- Albert Einstein

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
- Abraham Lincoln

Sing like no one's listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
dance like nobody's watching,
and live like its heaven on earth.
- Mark Twain

No idea is so outlandish that it should not be considered
with a searching but at the same time a steady eye.
- Winston Churchill

The past has no power over the present moment.
- Eckhart Tolle

Where there is shouting, there is no true knowledge.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs.
Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others.
- John F. Kennedy

Do no harm.
- from the Hippocratic Oath

The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There are no right answers to wrong questions.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

If an opinion contrary to your own makes you angry,
that is a sign that you are subconsciously aware
of having no good reason for thinking as you do.
- Bertrand Russell

The wise man looks into space,
and does not regard the small as too little,
nor the great as too much;
for he knows that there is no limit to dimensions.
- Lao Tzu

Little minds have little worries,
big minds have no time for worries.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

No one ever found wisdom without also being a fool.
Writers, alas, have to be fools in public,
while the rest of the human race can cover its tracks.
- Erica Jong

There's no wrong, only discovery...
- Byron Katie

Listen to all, plucking a feather
from every passing goose,
but, follow no one absolutely.
- Chinese Proverb

Know that time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
You give your own meaning to time, as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is no certainty; there is only adventure.
- Roberto Assagioli

The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Where there is no accusation of "fault,"
there can be no anger.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Where ignorance is our master,
there is no possibility of real peace.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

The River of Life has no judgments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Say NO to the demands of the world.
Say YES to the longings of your own heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)

There is no subject so old that something new cannot be said about it.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

This isn't a rehearsal or a practice life.
This is your real life - your one and only real life.
There are no retakes - no second chances.
Begin now - live full out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict
between thinking and feeling.
- Carl Jung

If a man empties his purse into his head,
no man can take it away from him.
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
- Benjamin Franklin

There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it
and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.
- Henry David Thoreau


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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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