Funny Motivational Quotes

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Let these Funny Motivational Quotes lighten your spirits while they convey important messages about life.

Get the facts first.
You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
- John Wooden

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart

People often say that motivation doesn't last.
Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
- Zig Ziglar

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.
- Benjamin Franklin

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer

Most of what we call management consists of
making it difficult for people to get their work done.
- Peter F. Drucker

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train.
- Anonymous

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Most of the shadows of life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't underestimate your abilities, that's your boss's job.
- Anonymous

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Anonymous

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
- Mark Twain

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
-Erica Jong

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Life's like Vegas.
You're up, you're down, but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- Deconstructing Harry (1997)

You do not lead by hitting people over the head - that's assault, not leadership.
- Dwight Eisenhower

Funny Motivational Sayings

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts.
- John Wooden

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The road to success is always under construction.
- Lily Tomlin

I love my attitude problem.
- Anonymous

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Dalai Lama

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
- Walt Disney

INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
- Anonymous

When life gives you lemons, Make Lemonade.
- Anonymous saying

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
- Anonymous

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- The Godfather, Part II (1974)

Those who believe they can do something
and those who believe they can't are both right.
- Henry Ford

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

Choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius

The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
- Woody Allen (Harry Block - Deconstructing Harry - 1997)

There's a couple of things they don't teach you in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat, the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you.
- Yasser Arafat

Do not speak to me of rules. This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen

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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie