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Jokes Quotes

These Motivational Quotes about Jokes are dedicated to your career and personal success in life.

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

Related topics: Funny Movie

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...
and I also know that I'm not blonde.
- Dolly Parton

I don't make jokes.
I just watch the government and report the facts.
- Will Rogers

 

All the jokes in my films, the comedy,
they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.
- Yahoo Serious

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.
- Marilyn Monroe

You can't just yell jokes at people.
- David Cross


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A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot

Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot

I guess I'm like Roger Miller who used to say that
he didn't have as many jokes as he thought he did.
- Glen Campbell

Writing for young children I find I often use particular
jokes with words and exaggerated,
funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex
stories for older children too.
- Margaret Mahy

The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change.
They stay the way they were in the past.
Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.
- Corey Feldman

I never believe them when they say that because you
really have to sort of be aware of what's going on
in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.
- Samantha Bee

I don't consider myself a comic but a performer.
A comic tells bad jokes.
- Sandra Bernhard

When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school
because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.
- Megan Fox

When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day,
your mind starts going to strange places.
- Seth MacFarlane

I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character,
the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.
- Neil LaBute

For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.
- Laurence Sterne

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns.
I talk that way, so I write that way.
- Allan Sloan

Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able
to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before.
We can actually finish jokes.
- Aries Spears

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee,
and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
- Robert Frost

In New York there isn't that weird palpable competitive
thing where it's friendly but everyone isn't trying
to top one another with jokes when you're just hanging around.
- David Cross

I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even
common jokes as part of what I'm doing.
I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.
- David Antin

It wasn't until I became more confident with myself
and I put myself forward instead of the jokes;
at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
- Wanda Sykes

A serious and good philosophical work could be written
consisting entirely of jokes.
- Ludwig Wittgenstein

It's the teenage and university crowd,
so we give them lots of sex jokes and gross humour.
- Keenen Ivory Wayans

My dog was with me all the time.
I talked to my dog.
She was my best buddy.
I shared all my secrets with her, but I don't think
I every really tried jokes out with the dog.
- Cathy Guisewite

Zac Efron is like a brother who's just goofy and crazy.
He plays a lot of practical jokes.
- Ashley Tisdale

It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter.
Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation
than trying to make the English laugh.
- Malcolm Muggeridge

Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues.
- Jim Fowler

Jokes are better than war.
Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars.
Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.
- George Mikes

The best ideas come as jokes.
Make your thinking as funny as possible.
- David Ogilvy

You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
- Dylan Moran

If you want anything done well, do it yourself.
This is why most people laugh at their own jokes.
- Bob Edwards

When there are no women on the tour it can get awful and ugly -
constant horrible jokes and gross behaviour.
It needs to be leavened with a feminine presence.
- Evan Dando

Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes,
the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them.
- John Lasseter

A civil servant doesn't make jokes.
- Eugene Ionesco

You can trust a Neil Simon script.
Every dot.
Every dash; that pause means something.
He takes all the jokes out, practically.
- Hector Elizondo

The storyboard artists job is to plan out shot for shot the whole show,
write all the dialog, and decide the mood,
action, jokes, pacing, etc of every scene.
- Craig McCracken

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings.
You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.
- David Letterman

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
- Mitch Hedberg

Don't make jokes about food.
- David Lean

The thing about all good horror movies is that the
fans expect a couple of inside jokes.
Maybe I'm supposed to be saying how terrified I was while making it,
but it was really fun.
- Margot Kidder

I try to exist in a world where there is freedom of opinion,
where you're allowed to make jokes.
I don't want to live in some PC world where no-one's allowed to say anything.
- Boy George

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you,
father.
- Mary Todd Lincoln

I guess my idea of a good audience is one that's quiet and listens,
but also that's alive: they respond,
they're getting the jokes,
they're with me.
And that' s been happening.
- Dan Hicks

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them.
For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes,
and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.
- Brian P. Cleary

Almost anything makes me laugh, especially jokes at my own expense.
And I will never, ever admit to being ticklish anywhere.
- Judd Nelson

I love life in spite of all that mars it.
I love friendship, jokes and laughter.
- Tahar Ben Jelloun

I'm from New York, I make kind of somewhat maybe lewd,
at times - maybe some would say dirty -
jokes.
But in jest.
- Sarah Michelle Gellar

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes.
I want my life to mean something.
- Steve Harvey

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.
- Drew Carey

When my mother died, I had to go on air that night and do jokes.
- Graham Kennedy

My whole life, I've been telling jokes.
- Brad Garrett

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen,
see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.
- David Letterman

I guess they're tough jokes.
But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at.
And you just can't cry.
- Sam Kinison

I don't like jokes in speeches.
I do like wit and humor.
A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel.
- James Humes

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers,
are the bond that keeps most families alive.
- Stella Benson

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use,
from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.
- Thomas Aquinas

Most jokes state a bitter truth.
- Larry Gelbart

A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes.
- Zac Efron

Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely
turn their backs on their historical dishes,
no matter how many jokes they might have to endure.
- Nick Clooney

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy,
and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
- Kathy Griffin

I can tell jokes.
I can talk to the audience.
I can relax.
I can change my songs whenever I want.
I can change the tempos.
I can change the mood, because I'm in charge.
- Robert Goulet

The most fun I ever have is sitting in with Rick writing,
and we laugh at our own jokes.
- Adrian Edmondson

My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.
- Carrot Top

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy
of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads,
where they are safe.
- Emo Philips

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.
- Martin Short

If you were on the phone with me and Tommy right now,
we would probably forget you were there,
we'd just be cracking jokes.
It's like Beavis and Butthead.
- Nikki Sixx

I crack jokes and play games and that's really more
my nature than being cold.
- Bernhard Langer

I think repeating yourself is a sign of old age,
telling the same joke again and again.
Especially if they're jokes that don't make people laugh.
- Simon Le Bon


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